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I’m an Agilist, a former software engineer, a gamer, an improviser, a podcaster emeritus, and a wine lover. Learn more.

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Paul Tevis

Entries in things i have learned (121)

Monday
Mar242014

All Heraldry, All The Time

Two weeks ago, my weekend was full of bacon. This weekend it was full of heraldry. One was tastier, the other was more instructive.

My primary activity in the SCA is heraldry, particularly what we call administrative or book heraldry. Since last August I’ve been the kingdom officer in charge of the registration process for names and armory, which is both awesome and daunting. I’m actually rather new to these things, but I picked a lot of stuff up quickly and I didn’t run away fast enough when my predecessor realized she was rapidly approaching burnout. As I have said about my musical abilities: I have talent but not a lot of repertoire. Particularly because of my office, I feel like I’m expected to know more than I currently do about all aspects of heraldry. So this weekend, at our biggest single event dedicated to classes, I was all heraldry, all the time. I learned about heraldic tabards and flags. I taught a class on conflict checking for armory. I ran our monthly decision meeting.

Meanwhile, Gwen was off taking a five or six classes that I would have loved to have been in, including one on tablet weaving and another on sausage making. There was a double-handful of knights teaching various armored combat techniques on the pell. I have been wanted to get authorized as a rapier marshal, and there was a class that is required for that being offered. And every time I walked across the open field in the middle of the site, I saw people practicing unarmored combat, a form that I’ve been wanting to explore — to the extent that I have the equipment for it, sitting unused under my bed.

Gwen and I joke often that we want to “Do All The Things!” or “Make All The Things!” or “Learn All The Things!” This weekend was a reminder that I can’t; or at the very least, I can’t all at once. I need to slow down, pick the most important things to do right now, focus on them, and not feel bad about the things I’m not doing. Most importantly, I can’t let feeling bad about the things I’m not doing prevent me from enjoying the things I am doing. I need to be patient with myself and grateful for the opportunities I am able to take advantage of. As my friend Ryan said, “Opportunities do not stop coming as long as you keep moving forward.

Monday
Feb242014

Monday is the First Day of the Rest of the Week

Mondays, as it turns out, are the perfect day for me to write. Mondays usually involve me catching up from my busy weekends, clearing my head so that I can tackle the upcoming week. Writing helps immensely with that, by bringing closure to what’s done and bringing focus to what’s coming. Mondays are usually days when things are just gearing up, rather than being in the middle of the whirlwind. Writing can happen that mental space, much better than it can on a Wednesday or a Saturday. Mondays are when I lay out my hopes and dreams for the week. Writing that happens on a Monday lets me tick off a big checkbox on my to-do list at the beginning of the week, which fuels the fires of getting more done.

Where am I at now? This weekend I fought in the Crucible at Caid’s Spring Crown Tournament. I got in eight fights in the round-robin phase, which were great. Gwen got video of all of them, so I have some good information about what I need to work on. I even won one of them, which was one more than I expected to. I got to spend time with people who I admire, and I got participate in the pageantry of one of the SCA’s oldest traditions. It was a good time.

Last week I help run one of our biggest semi-annual events at work, and I got a lot of encouraging feedback about changes I’d pushed for. I also found out that I’ll be presenting at two (and possibly three) professional conferences this year, which has me very excited.

What’s on tap? I’m teaching a class on Thursday on making non-alcoholic drinks for our local SCA chapter. I’m also going to be doing improv on stage at the VIC for the first time in about two months, which makes me happy. And I’m going to sleeping in my own bed for ten nights in a row, which is far cooler than it sounds. And you?

See you next Monday.

Wednesday
Oct162013

Listening To Myself

Living authenticity. Admitting vulnerability. Following your fear.

I’ve been circling these ideas for months now. They’ve got a certain power over me, and they’ve been a through-line in the tangled constellation of thoughts I’ve been been having in the waning half of this year. I don’t have a Grand Unified Theory of “Being Your Real Self By Embracing Those Things You’re Afraid Of” but I think its little brother is following me around.

In the last twenty-four hours I’ve read half a dozen blog posts from people whom I admire in which they talk honestly about problems they’re facing, doubts they’re confronting, fears they’re acknowledging. In those words, I see a courage that I admire and that I aspire to. I see people being who they really are, honestly admitting their fears, honestly assessing the difficulties they are facing (and not whining about them). About eighteen months ago my brain stumbled across what I believe to be my personal motto: “With intensity and integrity.” That is how I see these people living. They inspire me to do the same.

This blog is supposed to be a place where I’m reflective in exactly that kind of way, and I’m conscious of how little I’ve been doing that. I keep telling myself that I’m busy Doing Stuff, which is a Good Thing, and so I don’t really need to let people know what I’m thinking. That misses the point, really, which is that writing here is really for myself. Yes, if I’m willing to honestly assess where I’m at and write truthfully about that, other people will find something in those words that they can take for themselves. But the person I’m really shortchanging by not writing here is me.

I want to tell myself that I’m going to stop doing that, and yet I know that I can’t say that with certainty. It’s a thing that I feel destined to struggle with. It will do what it has always done; it will come and go in cycles. I’ll ride a wave of writing a lot for a while, feeling good about what I’m doing. Something will happen, a routine will change, a rhythm will change, and the momentum will go the other way for a while. But there is one thing that I now realize will be constant: When I’m not writing and I feel like I should be, I’m right.

Time to listen.

Wednesday
Sep112013

Owning Failure

Last night, I discovered I’d made a rookie brewing mistake and ruined the five batches of beer I brewed in July. This post is me taking my failure bow.

Short version: When sanitizing my bottles, I didn’t give them enough time to dry, leading to a significant flavor of sanitizer in my beer. Oops.

This mistake came at a particularly opportune time, as I’ve been reading The Gifts of Imperfection, which talks about the importance of acknowledging that we make mistakes. In that process, we have to keep in mind that:

  • “I want to be better. != “I can’t make a mistake.”
  • “I made a mistake.” != “I am a mistake.”
  • “I am not perfect.” != “I am not worthy of love and belonging.”

Do I like that ruined five gallons of beer? No. But there’s nothing I can do about that now. What I can do is surrender the feeling that “I am wrong” by acknowledging that “I did something wrong.” I can decide to do something to move forward, rather than dwell on something I can’t change. I can choose to own my failure, to be vulnerable in such a way that it no longer has power over me.

So: [arms up] [dumb-ass grin] Thank you! I have failed! [bow]

Now to make some more beer.

Wednesday
May152013

Writing and Not Writing

Why have there suddenly been posts here in last week or so, when there hadn’t been for months? What’s been happening recently that’s different?

Quite simply, I’m writing more because I’m reading, watching, and listening more. I write when I feel I have an idea worth sharing. Those ideas largely come from somewhere outside my head, from a book, an article, a video, or conversation. They then bounce around inside my head, collide with each other, and turn into something new. For the first four months of this year, though, I wasn’t exposing myself to those idea sources nearly enough.

And that has changed.